Drowning Memories
by Bookwormchick7
Summary: about 2 months after the war and the GAang is at the fire palace. Katara asks for wine one night and a dark memory comes to light. All while Zuko comforts her and Aang is unaware. how shall the story unfold?
1. The First Sip

Drowning Memories

Chapter 1 The First Sip

Katara sat on the balcony of the room Zuko had given her. It was two months after he had been crowned Fire Lord. The gang had decided to stay at the palace to help Zuko make peace treaties and quell any rebellion. The new Fire Lord showed every kindness he could to his friends, he gave them each a small suite of rooms and promised they need only ask for something and maids would bring it to them. Sokka took this to heart and had immediately started demanding various meat dishes. Aang had at least seven different kinds of small animals in his room. Toph had had her room's large tub filled to the brim with mud and had stayed there for an extremely long time. Sukki had asked for some new clothes and was pleased to find plenty of new and beautiful garments waiting in her closet. Only she, Katara had not asked for anything. Oh sure she had asked for one or two simple outfits because her old water tribe clothing was falling apart, and yes she had asked for food to be brought to her room when peace councils had run long and she was too tired to eat in public; where the court nobles would ask questions about living in the water tribe village, while looking down their noses at her like she was filth, making her feel like a small dirty peasant. But she had not made some kind of unique request like the others. Now she wished she had.

She wished she had because it might not have made her request tonight seem so odd. And indeed it was odd, for her. If her friends had a thousand guesses they wouldn't be able to guess what she had wanted. A small tap at the glass door to the balcony alerted her to the presence of a maid. Not looking, Katara simply waved her hand to beckon in the servant. The maid skittered in and placed Katara's request on the small table next to the chaise she was reclining on. Katara turned to the girl and thanked her with a small smile. Thus dismissed, the servant left Katara's room.

Katara turned to the table where there was a fine-stemmed glass goblet and a bottle of wine. Katara leaned over and poured herself a glass, the maid had already opened the bottle. She swished the dark red liquid around the glass, then she sniffed it. It had a sourish smell of grapes and the damp smell of dark cellars. She raised the glass to her lips and took a small sip. The liquid was bitter on her tongue and not particularly pleasant but it matched her thoughts and feelings perfectly. She was still as the sun started to descend painting the horizon a blushing pink color, it was still far above the waves however. She continued to sip at the wine, her thoughts stewing.

Zuko was getting his daily reports on the goings on of his palace. He had requested to know what all was going on in his home, he refused to be unaware of his own guests. The guest master was giving him the usual list: Sokka wanted meat, Aang permission for one more furry friend in his room, Toph if she could earthbend in the garden, the list went on until the guest master said,

"And Lady Katara asked for and received a bottle of red wine a bit earlier."

"She asked for what?" Zuko asked disbelief in his voice.

"Wine, my Lord," the guest master was feeling a bit uneasy, only now remembering that the girl was only fifteen, "She asked for wine."

"How long ago was this?" Zuko's tone was calm but had an underlying tension.

"About a half hour ago, my Lord."

"Give Sokka his meat, tell Aang only one more animal, and tell Toph only if she puts every stone back in its original place. I'm sorry but I must take my leave now." the guest master made a bow to his Lord, who hurried away.

Zuko was rushing to Katara's apartments. Why in the world would she want wine, of all things? She had never shown any interest in alcohol before. She also hadn't asked for any specific desire like the others which, while not alarming, he found slightly odd. Zuko finally arrived at Katara's chambers. The main door was closed so Zuko knocked on it. He waited a few minutes and, after not getting an answer, went inside. Zuko looked around the room, searching for Katara. He spotted movement on the balcony. Zuko walked over and opened the glass door.

There was Katara, staring into the blazing sunset, clothed in a simple red dressing gown type robe tied at her waist, holding a glass goblet half full of wine. She looked much older than fifteen, and she looked beautiful. Her hair was down and she was lying on a red padded chaise. She hadn't noticed him yet. Zuko stealthily crept up behind her and when she started to move the glass to take another sip he asked,

"Katara, what do you think you're doing?" she froze. Neither moved for the next few seconds, then Katara said in a quiet voice.

"I'm taking a drink, what does it look like I'm doing?"

"You and I both know what I meant. Why are you drinking _wine_?"

"Because I want to."

"How many glasses have you had?"

"..."

"Katara, tell me."

"This is the beginning of my third." she grumbled.

"_**Katara!" **_

"Relax I'm not drunk yet." after that last remark Zuko promptly grabbed her glass and poured it out on the floor.

"Why did you do _that_?"

"Because you're not old enough to have one glass of wine let alone _**three**_!" to Zuko's surprise Katara let out a short mirthless laugh,

"HA!" her face darkened, "You and I both know that when one is born in war, it matters not how many years you've been alive. You are forced to grow up."

"But the war is over now, Katara." Zuko was sitting by her feet on the chaise, his voice was gentle and puzzled.

"Then why," her voice rose a bit and pain entered her tone, "Why, Zuko, do I see the faces of those I've lost in my nightmares? Why does my heart hurt when I hear the petty bickering of the counsel on who gets what land and why? Why do I keep having the same nightmares where Aang is defeated by Ozai and Azula's lightning bolt hits you and I can't heal you in time? Why won't the war stop in my mind as well as the world?" Katara was crying now and Zuko was shocked at the torrent of emotion he had released.

"Why can't I for once drink myself into an oblivion where the faces of the dead are smeared and the nightmares are fuzzy and meaningless?" Katara's voice was broken and listless. Her will cracked. "Why, Zuko, why?"

Zuko didn't know what to say to comfort her. What could he say? The silence pooled before them.

"Zuko, there's something you should see." Katara spoke softly. She turned so that her back was facing him. She rearranged her dressing gown so that her front was still covered but the back of the gown was off her shoulders and down to about her mid back. As the silk fell Zuko's eyes widened in shock. Running across her tan back was a long, thin, diagonal scar. It came from the middle of her right shoulder blade to the bottom of her left one. The scar was so thin it could have been drawn by a pencil. In the red light of sunset the scar seemed white against her naturally darker skin. Zuko reached a hand out and traced it with one finger. He felt shivers run down Katara's body. She started to tell the tale,

"It was two years before Aang came to us. One small Fire Nation ship came to our village. The men that poured out from it were haggard and evil looking, looking back now I think maybe they were deserters from the army. They were vicious and ransacked our village killing some and taking all the food and drink they could carry. One of the men had burst into Sokka, Gran Gran, and my igloo. He was trying to find something, my guess would be gold or food or something but when he found nothing that he wanted, he grew even more angry. He turned on my grandmother and pulled back the knife that was in his hand, about to slash her face. As the blade came down I jumped in front of her and the blade got my back instead of her face. The man's blood lust was quenched when he heard my scream, he found it... amusing to hurt the helpless. The last thing I heard was his laughter and then I blacked out. When I woke up the two healers in my village explained to me that I should thank Twi and La that the knife had mostly gotten my parka instead of skin but I would still carry my scar forever. The ship had left soon after and taken a good deal of our food. Two more people died of starvation that winter."

Katara slipped her silk dressing gown back around her shoulders and turned to face Zuko. He had a strange look in his eyes.

"You and I," she continued, "We are not so different. I thought once that we were, but now I see that we both will never forget the scar this war has torn into the Nations."

"Why are you telling me this?" Zuko asked in a hushed tone. Again Katara laughed mirthlessly,

"Well, I can't tell Aang now can I?"

"Why not?"

"Aang is no longer courting me."

"What?"

"He told me yesterday before dinner. He said that my first unsure instincts were right, that we really didn't fit as perfectly as he thought. He said that he now realized that he loved me more like a mother than as a lover. Then he asked if we could still be friends."

"What did you tell him?"

"I said yes, of course no need to break his heart, even if he did just rip out mine. Then I walked back to my room and cried. You see, I thought he loved me." Katara was on the verge of tears but her voice didn't betray it. Her voice was calm and clear almost light. But Zuko saw. Zuko saw the pain and hurt and deception she felt. He saw the terrible memories Katara faced. He saw the excruciating nightmares she saw at night. And he saw it was eating her alive. Zuko understood, now, why Katara had asked for the wine. It was to much. She had just wanted to drown. Drown out her memories, her sorrows, and her fears. Drown out her doubts, unease, and weaknesses.

Zuko looked at the girl, no, the woman... before him. At the age of fifteen she had endured more pain than many and sustained more hope than almost all the Nations combined. She was truly amazing. Zuko did the only thing he felt was natural at that moment, he leaned over and pulled Katara into a tight embrace. He felt all her muscles tighten, as if ready to spring back, but then her need for comfort took over and she relaxed fully into his arms, shaking sobs wracked her body but she didn't make a sound. He had the feeling she had cried many a night to perfect her silent sobs. Her head fit perfectly against his neck and her salty tears drenched his robe, but he didn't care. Zuko agreed with Katara, they were not so different. They both had felt immense pain and both had experienced great loss. This only made Zuko hold her tighter. He too, knew the pain of a broken heart, after he had been crowned Fire Lord, he had returned to Mai. For a while they seemed to be fine, he giving her all that she wanted, she giving him her solemn smiles. Then suddenly she had left. There was no note to her parents and no note to him. On the same day he had found a knife on his pillow. He recognized it as one that he had gotten Mai for her birthday about ten months ago. He had had it inscribed saying- _to love that will never cool. _Zuko had taken her return of the knife the only way he could. Mai did not return his affections, and so, she had made a clean break by leaving. Zuko was first sad then angry but his heart had healed after a week or two. To be honest with himself, Zuko no longer cared that Mai had left, just that she was happy were ever she was.

Zuko's heart ached for the waterbender in his arms. She didn't deserve this pain.

"Oh Katara..." he murmured into her hair. He couldn't figure out what else to say. She sniffled a bit and muttered in to his shoulder,

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Zuko answered. It registered that Katara had stopped crying but was still in his arms.

The moon was now rising higher in the sky, the last rays of sunset long gone. Stars started to shine out in the dark blue sky. He didn't know how long they had been there but he didn't care.

Aang was flying on his glider. He enjoyed the rush of air on his face and the bird's-eye view from up here. He circled high in the night sky. Looking down he saw Toph in the garden practicing earthbending, Sokka was taking a walk with Sukki by his side, he swooped the other way to see if Katara was outside. He spotted her on her balcony, but she was not alone. Not by a long shot. Aang peered from his heavenly perspective to see Zuko embracing Katara. For a moment Aang forgot to breath. More importantly, for a moment he forgot to airbend. He dropped a few feet before quickly gaining altitude. What was _Zuko _doing with Katara? And why was there a bottle of _wine _on the table next to them? thoughts spun in Aang's head. He quickly maneuvered down to a courtyard. Then he ran to Katara's chambers.

Zuko pulled back from Katara, gently, not abruptly, and wiped a few extra tears from her eyes.

"You need sleep, not liquor." he said and Katara nodded. She started to stand up but when she took her first step the wine took affect and she would've fallen if Zuko hadn't caught her just in time.

"Oh," Katara groaned, "don't be worried if I don't come to breakfast tomorrow, I can already feel the headache." Zuko chuckled softly as he gathered the tired waterbender in his arms.

"Zuko, what are you..."

"You obviously can't walk, 'not drunk' my foot. I'm just going to place you in your bed, as I said you need sleep." Katara gave a weak nod and relaxed against his arms. Zuko carried her in and placed her gently on the large bed. He tucked Katara in as if she were a small child, right before she drifted off she whispered,

"Thank you Zuko." then she was asleep. Zuko went back out to the balcony to retrieve the wine and glass, they were safer outside her room. He walked out of the room strait into an anxious and suspicious Aang.

"What were you doing in Katara's room? And why do you have a wine bottle? And where's Katara?"

Zuko was a bit surprised at the appearance of Aang outside Katara's door and, remembering what he had done to Katara, regarded him coolly, lapsing into his formal character.

"That is none of your concern, Avatar. Katara has had a trying day and retired early."

"What do you mean, it's none of my concern? I'm Katara's friend too!" Aang cried out.

"What I mean, Avatar, is that what Lady Katara chooses to do and whom she chooses to see in her private rooms has nothing to do with you. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to see about matters of state and I would greatly appreciate it if you do not bother Lady Katara because, as I said, she has retired for the night. "

Zuko turned and walked away from an astonished Aang.


	2. Savoring the Aroma

Drowning Memories

Chapter 2 Savoring the Aroma

The next morning Zuko was not at all surprised to find that Katara didn't attend the morning meal.

"I wonder where Katara is, she's usually the first one here." Sokka commented.

"Oh I think she's still sleeping." Zuko answered, then quieter under his breath he added, "she had some things to sleep off." Zuko chuckled lightly. Aang, who was sitting to Zuko's right, heard and a frown crossed his face and furrowed his brow. Something just wasn't right. Aang had tossed and turned all night and came to the conclusion that he would talk to Katara first thing in the morning. But hearing this his thoughts were scrambled again. Aang knew that it would be awkward to talk to Katara after what he had said a few nights ago but it had to be done. After he was done eating Aang excused himself and went to Katara's room. He knocked on the door loudly.

"Just a minute..." he heard Katara call out, her voice rough and gravely. She had a pounding headache and felt slightly sick. Katara pulled a bathrobe over her sleep robe. She opened the door a crack still unwilling to let any rays of light into her dark room.

"Katara? You look... awful." Aang said this without thinking. Katara slammed the door hard in his face. _How dare he! He breaks up with her and the next words he says are 'you look awful.'! _

"Go away!" she yelled through the door, her headache heightening. Katara then slumped back over to her bed and lay down.

"Katara, I need to talk to you!" Aang's voice rang loudly. Katara groaned.

"Go away!" she called out.

"Please! It's important!"

"If it's so important you can say it through the door. I don't want to see you!"

"Fine, I will then! I'm worried about your relationship with Zuko." Katara froze. Then sprang up from the bed. She bent the water from a bouquet of flowers Aang had given her only a week ago, into a long whip and stormed to the door, throwing it open so Aang could see her deadly fury.

Aang sprang back from the hellbent waterbender in front of him. If looks could kill he would have been dieing a slow and painful death.

"You have exactly three seconds to get out of my sight before I whip your ass to the eastern air temple, avatar or no avatar." Katara ground out, her voice low and dangerous.

"But Katara..."

"ONE!" she raised her water whip and Aang ran. Katara dropped the whip and let the water sink into the carpeting below her feet. She fell to her knees and shook with rage.

_How DARE he? He had just left her, after months of pursuing her __throughout the war and finally winning her, he just left her. Then scarcely three days, THREE DAYS, later, he had the gall to actually advise her about her personal life. He had no right! NO RIGHT!_

"He had no right." she whispered to herself feeling hot tears of anger rise to her eyes, "he had no right." two tears fell from her cheeks, she clenched her jaw turning her face away from the hall grasping at the door frame. At that moment her headache came back with a vengeance. The pain was blinding. Katara took her other hand and raised it to her temple. She felt her heart beat in her veins and in her head. She drew a shuddering breath and crawled farther into her room, she pulled her door as far closed as she could before she could slide it all the way closed she gave in to stress and her headache, and fainted.

Zuko was walking down the hall when he was accosted by several advisers and the guest master. He finally got them all to leave him alone after at least a forth of a sundial, by saying that it would be better if those matters were addressed at a different meeting from one so informal. Zuko had been going to see how Katara was doing after he had finished his breakfast. That had been almost a half a sundial ago. He rushed to get to her room. Zuko turned the corner that led to Katara's hall and he looked down the corridor to see her door slightly open and at the bottom, a slender hand on the ground.

"Katara!" he cried out ,running to her door and opening it. Zuko saw her there, lying on the ground, her face unnaturally pale, and fell to his knees beside her. He quickly put his ear to her chest to check for a pulse, thankfully he got one. Zuko scooped her up into his arms and ran to his own room. He gently placed her on the large master bed and whirled around to face the startled servants in the room.

"Fetch the doctor, quickly!" he ordered and they ran like rabbit-mice. Zuko turned back to the woman on his bed. Her hair was loose like the night before and she still had on the red dressing gown. Her chest rose with gentle breaths and her mouth was slightly open. Sweat glistened on her forehead. Zuko sat on the edge of the bed, "please be okay." he whispered, gently stroking her hair.

"She fainted because of anxiety and lack of water. Also it seems she was exhausted. Had she done any strenuous activity recently?" the physician asked peering up at Zuko through small round eyeglasses.

"I'm not sure. I'll have to check with her family."

"At the moment Katara isn't in any kind of mortal peril but she does have a slight fever. If she gets rest and a lot of water she should be fine."

"Is that all?"

"Yes, Lord."

"Then you are dismissed."

"Thank you Lord." the doctor bowed at the waist, turned, and left. Zuko sat on the edge of the bed. He looked down at the sleeping waterbender and chuckled.

"Kind of unusual for a waterbender to be dehydrated." his face went somber again, "But what I wonder is how not your body fares, but your mind. I wish I could take your nightmares away and give you peace. Oh Katara, do not blame yourself for the actions of the past. Sometimes fate is a cruel master."

"Iroh must be getting to you Zuko." Katara's voice was faint and she only opened her eyes a little, "I haven't heard something so profound from you since your coronation speech." when Zuko heard her voice he jumped. Katara gave him a small smile and promptly fell asleep again. Zuko shook his head and smiled.

"Sleep well Katara."


	3. Swirling the Glass

Drowning Memories

Chapter 3 Swirling the Glass

All was blackness. She drifted, slowly, as if a current was pulling at her.

All was silence. She breathed, the air was thick and stagnant.

Katara planted her feet at the bottom of whatever current was dragging at her. She stared strait ahead, looking at nothing. Then a light. A warm light before her. Still in the distance, it came toward her. It was joined by a second then a third, and so on until you could no longer count the lights. They flickered and she recognized them to be flames. The legions of fire came closer still. Until Katara could discern that they were not just flames, they were the flames of Fire Nation soldiers. To many to count. The ground was black and the sky was like tar, where not even the stars dared to show themselves to this threatening army. Katara was not afraid though, she had water, plenty of water. She could even sense seven rivers filling her pool. Katara stood the water at waist height, to wait for the impending army.

The army approached and then, when Katara was sure they were going to walk right over her, they turned and marched to the east, away from her. The soldiers took no interest in the waterbender standing before them. This made her angry, how dare they ignore a waterbending master! Katara tried to yell but no sound came from her mouth. _Fine then! _She thought, _I'll just waterbend to get their attention. _She lifted her arms in a waterbending stance and let fly with the water-whip form. Nothing happened. Katara looked at her hands and saw that none of the water had followed her command. She tried again and again to give the water life, to let it dance in the air, but no matter what she did nothing worked. _W-what's happening? _Katara cupped her hands and lifted the water closer to her eyes, it was red with the firelight all around, Gods she wished there was sunlight!

Wait... Katara sniffed the water, it smelled sour and gut wrenching. She dipped one finger into the liquid around her and tasted it, a sharp, warm, metallic taste filled her mouth even from one drop. Katara dipped her hand in one more time watching the liquid course down her hand and drip back into the pool. She knew this liquid.

Blood

It was blood all around her, she was swimming in a lake of blood. Katara spun around heart pounding but still unable to scream. She had been mistaken before. There were not seven rivers, oh no, there were seven bodies, dead and broken, bleeding into her pool. Katara's eyes flipped from one to the next.

Aang.

Sokka.

Sukki.

Father.

Mother.

Toph.

And the last body, with his hand reaching out to her, was

Zuko.

Katara screamed.

She screamed over and over. Countless screams at the top of her voice. The shrieks echoed with feral cries of agony. They bounced around hurting even her own ears and yet she couldn't stop. It was as if she screamed enough the Gods would give them back to her. She begged the Lord of Fire and Lady of Water to destroy her. Her screams raged as if they had bodies of their own. Katara thrashed in the blood of her friends and tore at her hair. And still she screamed.

Zuko was working in his study, a small room just off the master bedroom of his apartments. This way he could be close to Katara if she needed anything but also let her keep her privacy. Zuko was looking at a peace agreement when he heard the first scream.

Zuko dropped the scroll and flat out ran into his bedroom. It sounded like Katara was being stabbed with a serrated blade! What could be happening? When he got there he saw Katara sitting strait up in bed eyes wide with fear and screaming.

"Katara! Katara!" Zuko grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her trying desperately to wake her up. He covered her mouth to keep her screams from being heard everywhere in the palace.

"Katara, it's me, Zuko. Wake up. Wake up!" he cried. It seemed the words finally penetrated and suddenly Katara started to shake and tears filled her eyes.

At that moment guards burst in the door.

"Your Majesty are you and Lady Katara all right?" the Captain of the Royal Guard said as they barged in.

"Yes, she just had a nightmare." Zuko said looking up from Katara who was trembling in his arms.

"Do you want me to call the Lady's family?" the Captain asked.

"No she's fine and there is no need to trouble them. Please leave us."

"Yes Lord." the guards departed.

Zuko turned to Katara.

"Z-Zuko? Is it really you?" Katara whimpered tears coursing down her face.

"Yes, it's me." Katara started touching his face and hair, checking if he was real or a figment of her imagination.

"I-it is you." she breathed and then hugged him tight.

"Oh Gods! Oh Gods oh Gods oh Gods!" she trembled harder in Zuko's arms.

"Shh. It's okay. It's alright. Shh shh. I'm here don't worry." he murmured to her as she cried. Eventually he managed to get Katara to tell him about the dream.

"Are those the dreams you were talking about? The ones that made you order the wine last night?"

"Yes." Katara said in hushed tones. "It's as if the Goddess of Dreams is angry with me for some reason, but I don't know why."

"I know that talking about dreams sometimes helps them go away. I would talk to Uncle all the time about dreams I'd have when I was... banished."

"I hope that works. I am so tired of these dreams. They frighten me so much."

There was silence for a moment.

"Do you remember what led up to you fainting on the floor? Did you just try to get up to get something or was there some sort of distraction?" Zuko asked. Katara thought for a moment then the memories of earlier came rushing back.

"Aang!" she said in a murderous voice. Zuko gave her a questioning look and she continued. "Aang came to my room when I was sleeping and wanted to talk to me. I came to the door, my liquor-sickness evident, and he said I looked terrible. Not the best way to greet me. So I yelled at him and slammed the door in his face. He called through the door saying he had to talk to me. I yelled back that if it was so important he could tell me through the door. Well he did. He said, as if he were my father, that he was worried about my relationship with you! The guy who just broke our relationship the other day!" Zuko's eyes widened then narrowed after hearing this, "I swear I wanted to kill him. Instead I gave him three seconds to get far away from me. I was so angry and humiliated. My head was pounding and I felt faint, I remember trying to close the door but after that..." she drifted off.

Zuko's hands balled into fists and his jaw clenched. Katara put a hand on his arm.

"Please don't get mad. He had my best interests at heart he just had them wrong. Maybe that's why he broke our courting, he could see we were drifting and just didn't want to get hurt."

"So he hurts you instead! How is that better?" Zuko's voice raised slightly. Katara lightly touched her temple,

"Zuko, I still have a bit of a headache please don't shout."

"Oh I'm sorry."

"You've got to remember he's still a child and a monk. Even as the Avatar there are some things he just doesn't understand."

"How are you so patient?"

"Believe me, I'm not. I just keep everything inside until I can let it out in my room." she gave a slight chuckle, "Can't have me screaming at those stuck up peace councils and nobles. Indeed, I'd be seen as a peasant or a mad woman."

"True they can be rather... critical. I'm just glad you're talking with them instead of Sokka." Zuko gave a rye smile, "Can you imagine? Meat everywhere and Sokka cracking his terrible jokes." Katara gave a light laugh.

"With his luck he'd start the war all over again."

"Probably."


End file.
